what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
