I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
