She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
