My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
