so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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