Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
