508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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