The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
