At least make sure they are 18
Why
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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