I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
