I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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