their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
