A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
