wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
