I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
