Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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