Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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