Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
