oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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