hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
