Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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