I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
