giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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