dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
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It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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