Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
