My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
