Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
