Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
