Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
