I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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