If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
