he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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