i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
