I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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