im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
