Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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