It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Less talking, more tequila
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
