I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
