Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
