Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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