Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
