He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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