dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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