i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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