3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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He's a Shit stain on my heart
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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