I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.