I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
