Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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