Im at strip club and am horny
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
