After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize