Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
