well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
