So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
