Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
