LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
