I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
