my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
