If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
