I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
