Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
